There are 3 clocks on the walls visible from my desk, my PC has the time in the bottom right hand corner, and my desk phone blinks digitally the passing of every second.
My cell phone has a clock and calendar and offers me options for how I would like it displayed.
If money is the root of all evil then surely time has a hand in there somewhere.
After all, time is of the essence and time is money
So begins a journey into temporal phenomenology, or least a fleeting glance at my obvious lack of conscious time keeping.
I received yet another watch for Christmas, this is my seventh. I store them in a black box, in a dark corner of a drawer I hardly open.
My naked tanned wrists, evidence that I have not yet succumbed to this time trap.
Surely it’s not about how you measure it but more about what you do with the time you have available.
“Entering the now', or 'the moment'. Being present, after all, time flies (tempus fugit) when you’re busy or having fun.
I have, through multiple exposure, to personal development workshops, developed a sense of urgency, but I'd loathe the day I end up watching the clock..
“Why should we be in such desperate haste to succeed, and in such desperate enterprises? If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.”
Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.”
So says Henry David Thoreau, and quite frankly I'm inclined to agree.
Without getting too deep into chronobiology and zeitgebers, the following is eight poems loosely grouped around time.
I thank you for taking some time to read what I have written.
1. waiting Old magazines, inoffensive art, pastel walls in the waiting room anticipating they’ll call my name, I’m sure they will call it soon - The clock on the wall has hardly moved I hear it’s ticks and tocks the old man seated across from me wheezes hacks and coughs - A toddler toddles in a playpen jail, he is bashing a wooden bat there is a women with translucent skin I can’t help looking at - She is vacuum sealed with veins revealed I can see her bones keyboard keys prattle rhythmically to the sound of ringing phones - classic hits on the Radio, songs well past their prime inane disk jockey banter, I sigh. and check the time - The clock on the wall has hardly moved I hear it’s ticks and tocks the old man seated across from me wheezes hacks and coughs - An exhausted woman reads her phone with dark and sunken eyes she leaps out of her chair when the toddler screams and cries - She does her best to calm the tot but he is too distressed to make him stop she lifts her top and puts him on the breast - Miss “see through skin”, her head starts to spin fire’s a disapproving glance while the old guy seated across from me his eyes begin to dance - They dart around the waiting room until they connect with mine as if to say, I wasn’t looking I sigh and check the time The clock on the wall has hardly moved but time has passed somehow the doctor stands at the open door and says “I can see YOU now.” 2. That one time… I've been waiting in this queue but I don’t have time to kill I'm pumped and in a hurry time is standing still urgency is driving me, I'm hungry and need a piss I'm peaking on 2 levels and have no time for this I notice every subtle movement every feature on every face I hear every conversation each transaction taking place every item in her trolley each beep across the scanner it’s death of a thousand cuts I feel like Dr Banner you know, the incredible hulk I feel I'm turning green veins are bulging on my neck I'm about to make a scene but no , I take a long deep breath, suck it in and wait it out observing every item march down the conveyor belt for fuck sake let me out of here this hellish countdown curse oh god she's looking for loose change in the bottom of her purse and the girl behind the counter she’s not happy to be there she’s trying to be friendly but I know she doesn’t care she is here because she has to be I know that isn’t fun but you know what, so am I so can we quickly get this done no I do not have a loyalty card do I want one?, NO I don’t care if it takes a minute let me get my shit and go no i don’t want your stickers for this week’s fancy plate or a set of kitchen knives, how much longer must I wait no I'm not collecting toys and I don’t care what they are oh shit, hang on a bit I've left my wallet in the car 3. Time out please be gentle I'm temperamental in my current mental state I’ve been fragile for a while perhaps a tad aloof of late I’m not avoiding you specifically I’m avoiding everyone so please don’t think it’s because of you or anything you’ve done I just thought it was best If i gave it all a rest As a test to see if I might be despondent or depressed but I've got nothing to worry about I mean I'm indifferent I’d say I just do not understand why it is, i happen to feel this way people tend to empty me I find them taxing on my brain sometimes I need some time alone to fill it up again sometimes it’s just a different scene in some other place doing something different some new creative space whatever it is that irks me I find it cumbersome vexing to the soul and not fun for anyone So apologies, I'm not me or who it is I'm supposed to be I mean, I am me, but not the me I'd normally be mixing socially. 4. a moment there was this place that we used to visit it was where our paths crossed the lost was found turned upside down where nothing in the world mattered when time stopped and stood still and there was the thrill of being with you and nothing else there was no future, there was just now the past didn’t matter anyhow but now that IS the past and it DID matter 5. just a phase It’s a bit of a journey these stages of grief That starts with the shock and utter disbelief The “what the fuck and how can this be”? And the “why the fuck is this happening to me”? What are you saying? Is this really true? This is not what i thought I'd be hearing from you. That’s the denial, the “say it ain't so” The “This ain't for real cos I’d already know” I would’ve seen the signs , at least had some clue You can’t be serious, I don’t understand what’s coming from you Then there's the anger, the resentment and pain The heartache, the depression, the going insane The hatred, the hurting, The crazed lashing out The screaming inside, The extreme need to shout When small things annoy you and heads start to bunt When everyone around you turns into a cunt When the joy is sucked out Of all that you do And they wonder “what the fuck” has happened to you Then comes the moment, You wake up one day And most of the anger , slipped quietly away And you think for a while “what was it all for” you start seeing things differently Than you did before There's an acceptance that rises, a knowing what's true It was what it was, there was naught you could do There was no going back, what was done was done And reliving it in your head won’t help anyone When everything seemed lost, It was probably not You know what you can change, know what, you can not So you pick yourself up and reassess what you’ve got Make a conscious decision, to Be done with the rot Crawl out the hole, you dug yourself in Have the sun hit your face, and feel better within Reconnect with your mojo and get your groove on Say Fuck it, to yourself, let go and move on… 6. YOLO - FOMO stealing from tomorrow to feel it for today to purge regret and sorrow and wash yesterday away an obsessive compulsiveness a mania distilled untamable, insatiable an addict unfulfilled an unsustainable lifestyle a self destructive vertigo spinning out of control with nowhere left to go an explosion here is imminent somethings going to pop someone hit the pause button someone make it stop 7. ...the past has passed. I walked past you the other day our gaze crossed in a blasé non committal way as if to say … I should say Hi but why you never said goodbye when you went away It’s like we’d never met and yet here I am feeling that moment bubble up in the muddle up that was a failed romance, a happenstance, completely by chance that bond decayed and faded into the blur of a fleeting glance of indifference no stride broken nor pause or delay just that flicker of recognition and a quick look away 8. tick tock. Time doesn’t heal all wounds It’s your memory that fades the pain if you don’t keep looking back at it and don’t bring it up again but some cannot help themselves they have to poke and prod and pick away at the scab and relive the path they trod keep moving forward I say stop living in the past keep your eyes on where you’re going because it' is disappearing fast the weathering, the withering of anything you hold cos time will fuck you hard my friend ask anyone that’s old.